God's Great Gifts

NEVER HEARD CREATION EXPLAINED THIS WAY BEFORE!!!
One of the many FW: FW: FW: "pass alongs" I receive every week. This one is far better than most. I don't know who wrote it. -- George

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Injun Summer 2007

John McCutcheon's Injun Summer first appeared in the Chicago Tribune in 1907, a century ago. It has captured the hearts of generations of readers around the country because the Trib wisely syndicated it. Until recently.

In 2002, the Trib stopped printing "Injun Summer" on the cover of its Sunday magazine supplement. Why? Because the new generation of Tribune editors felt that "Injun Summer" offended Native Americans. Can you believe it!

Now, I was born and raised in Chicago, so quite a few slang expressions came to mind when I first read about this in 2003. I wrote a letter to the Trib complaining about this. To my surprise, I received a reply saying Trib editors felt that "Injun Summer" offended Native Americans.

Give me a break!

Being politically correct is one thing. But being stupid is another.

Colonel Robert R. McCormick, the guiding force behind the Chicago Tribune for the first part of the 20th Century, must have rolled over in his grave at Cantigny! If Colonel McCormick were alive today, he would never have allowed this to happen. Not in a million years! But he had guts, which is a helluva lot more than I can say for the Trib's current editors.

George Spink
Los Angeles
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